Foreigner

What is it like to be a foreigner in Nepal? Privileged, complicated, vulnerable….

On Saturday we paid our first visit to the British Embassy. We stepped out of the usual battered taxi and dusty streets into a strange British oasis. Walking on green manicured lawns, drinking coronation cocktails and eating fish and chips as if we were spending the day at some National Trust property.

The sudden ‘Britishness’ of this ‘Big Coronation Garden party’ was quite overwhelming at times. But also fun.

A few weeks ago I travelled by jeep with Sita who used to be our home help. (That relationship is immediately complicated. I remember as a teenager being furious at my Grandmother for having had black servants in South Africa. ‘One day you will understand’ she said.)

Sita had been asking me to come and stay with her for a long time. We drove for four hours in a jeep with ten others. The journey was very bumpy and precarious but nobody complained even when we had to take a detour up a mountain because the normal road was closed. The following day I went back – five hours this time because the jeep broke down! Nobody complained then either and there were fourteen of us this time – 4 young children on laps. The baby woke up eventually, had some milk and then jiggled in time to the music being played! (contented children is something thing I love about Nepal).

    I made up my mind to have an attitude of curiosity and respect about everything in Hetauda. Ironically people were curious about me too because there are very few foreigners in this area. Sita’s home is in a rural area with friendly neighbours sitting outside watching the world go by (another thing I love). She introduced me to everyone and told them where I was from. At least 3 invited us in for tea (another thing).

Sita’s husband’s first wife has something wrong with her legs and has to shuffle across the floor. The family have decided to live near her to care for her (another thing) Just up the road live Sita’s daughter, son in law, his mother, 3 children, and a number of other relatives. I have no idea who they all were. One little girl bowed down so that I could bless her. The mother in law is a committed Buddhist and showed me her worship room. Sita is a committed Hindu. She currently gets up at 3.30am for prayers, then yoga. Her prayer room is very different from the spacious Buddhist one. It was crammed full of ornaments and images, statues, vessels and some kind of fire or candles burning… During the jeep journey she spent time praying with beads. She explained there were 100 and she aimed to pray 10 x 100 each day!!

After a meal with this lovely extended family the daughter, her 3 children and another lady took me for their usual evening walk. She explained that we would visit the Buddhist monastery first because the Guru went to bed early. I found this visit such a peaceful and welcoming experience. Three people were sitting at a table on a veranda – a monk, a wise looking lady in a sari and a jolly man who got us all chairs. I have no idea what this was about. They created an atmosphere of acceptance though. As if anything we wanted to share would be treated with interest and care. The monk then took us to the prayer space where the ladies could pray and the boys were free to charge around. The monk gently placed his hand on the youngest boy’s head as he was leaving. It made me think of Jesus. It also made me wish the Church had this kind of open house set up with wise people available to sit with.

The daughter said her mother-in-law tells her to stop going to the Hindu temple but she goes anyway! Having charged around the Hindu temple, rung the bells and found biscuits somewhere, the boys ran back calling out and expalining about me to the neighbours, ‘This is my grandmother’s friend from China.

I guess the vulnerability is about never quite knowing what’s going to happen next, never sure the food won’t upset my stomach, or the mosquitoes give me dengue fever, not always understanding the language and culture or how I am viewed or indeed what would happen if the jeep couldn’t be mended in the middle of nowhere.  However, it was mended and I am here to tell the tale.